Anybody That’s Been Threw Abuse? How Do You Get Over the Aftermath.?
Question by Julii: Anybody that’s been threw abuse? How do you get over the aftermath.?
[rewrite]My now ex and i have been together a couple of years and we have a 13 month old son. He started pushing me around and pinning me to the bed and putting his hands on my neck since i was 5 months pregnant. It would stop for a little while and then start back up again. I somehow managed to convince myself that my son needed the both of us around, and that he would change. I begged him to get help and finally it got to be to much. I kicked him out and he refused to leave so i tried to call the police and he snatched the phone from me and threw it against the wall. Then he threw me on the bed and put his hands on my neck and pushed. I could still catch some breaths, but the whole time this was happening my son was right next to me terrified. I know my ex grew up around violence, and i cant help but feel sorry for him. At the same time im so angry. I guess what my question is, how can i get over this roller-coaster of emotions, why do i still feel sorry for him, and will the loneliness ever go away?
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Best answer:
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Answer by Niecy Smith
My ex was the same but he never choked me. He hit me with his car, forced me to have sex with him, punched me till i bruised, drug me out his car in the middle of the night and left me on the side of the road, tried to push me out the car while he was driving on the expressway, again drug me out the car and slammed me on my back in the street and then picked me up and dropped me on my ankle hard which broke it. After he broke my ankle i just couldnt deal with the abuse. Not only was he physically abusive but he was verbally and mentally. If i wouldnt do what he wanted me to do he would tell me im stupid and say im a hoe and then he’ll try and mess with my sisters. He’ll even say “Well Niecy im gonna call your sisters and take them out on a date cause i like them better than you”. I stayed with him because I saw potential in him to change. But sometimes we as women just need to realize that not every man nor person uses their potential. He denies doing any of this to me. I wasted two years of my life with him and the only reason i moved on is because I moved away from him. Its hard trying to seperate yourself from somebody you love but when you think about all the things this person do you just have to leave them alone because its only going to get worse. I was 16 when it started. And if i could go back in time I would definitely kill him the first time he put his hands on me. He’s dating my sister and treating her the same way he treats me. An abusive man will NEVER change. You just have to leave him alone.
Answer by Princesskae
hi. the best advise i can give you is to seek out professional help. the thing is you can’t get over this overnight. one thing i learned is that sometimes you have to admit that you need help. i am guessing you still feel sorry for him because you know why he acts like it. he grew around violence and pretty much that’s all he knows. so until he seeks professional help he’ll be most likely be violent regardless of time or environment. and yes based on personal experience the loneliness will go away you just need time. just remember to be strong. you have to be strong in the sake of your child. surround yourself with friends and family, they can get you through the pain and the aftermath. my one last advise to you is to not close yourself to others.
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People make them selves who they are. Their choices are their own. Most choices people make are made based on what they want. So until he wants to be a better person on his own no one in this world will change his behavior because only he can do that. You also have a choice to be a strong loving person by not letting your son be exposed to danger. You must also protect yourself so you can be a strong example to your son by making positive choices and always be there for him. He will need you around for the rest of your life. You are both precious. Be smart be strong make good healthy choices for you and your son. Do not enable someone who uses other peoples kind hearts to validate his wrong choices and bad behavior. Know that because you recognize his behavior is wrong there is nothing wrong with you. A future in positive respectful relationships is a choice. Choose a respectful man.
You need to find a therapist and talk it out w/them…it will work….don’t ever let that guy near you again.
you need to leave him and stay away from him! i promise no matter how hard it will be it will better for you because with him it will only get worse!
i was in a horrible relationship where my ex would choke me to the point of almost suffocating me. he would sexually assault me and verbally abuse me and after i left him he stole every cent i had from he bank… and it all started little at 1st.. thought he was gonna change
but after… changing my number twice. my family members changing their numbers. my job blocking 5 numbers he would call repeatedly from all day. 4 calls to the police (not mention the 2 my work called) blocking him and his family from face book and finally a restraining order i am actually living so much better
i feel so much stronger for getting away from him
not allowing him to take me down to his level and bring my whole life down.
dont feel sorry for him. he knows what hes doing is wrong. its an excuse to live like that. my mother has a drug addiction but i didnt start drugs because she did it, i made sure i never did because i didnt want to end up like her.
please get away, it wil be the best thing for you and your son… if your son is continued seeing his father act like that he will eventually do the same to his wife/gfs. but if you stop it now. teach him what he did was wrong and show him that you are strong independent woman he will thank you,and appreciate you so much more, and would be very respectful towards women.
i wish you the best of luck in getting away from him and protecting your son
Hi,
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling.
I think you should check out this website called http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/
It’s a very understanding and supportive website that deals with many problems including self-harm, depression, eating disorders (including overeating), addictions (such as drug and alcohol) anxiety (&& panic attacks, including anxiety disorders like OCD), suicide attempts, feelings and thoughts, bullying and abuse (including sexual and emotional abuse), trauma, and general mental health problems such as personality disorders, bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, ect.
You can post about your problems and gain advice and support, it’s full of caring people who are going through the same things as you are in a complete non-judgemental atmosphere, you feel a lot less alone and you don’t get stupid answers or the old ’snap out of it’, ’stop being stupid’ comments you get on Yahoo Answers.
The website also contains lots of information, how to get help, articles to read, fun and distractions, chat (like msn with others who are suffering), Live Help (one-2-one counselling – these people are not trained counsellors, but people who are normal members of the site but go that little bit further to help others), Supporters who can e-mail anytime, day or night to gain emotional support (again not trained professionals).
The site is free, but to in order to have access to everything available on the website you have to sign up, which only takes a few minutes. You don’t have to be a certain age to join (even if you’re 40, you can still sign up, they have a ’veterans corner’ for older members, including advice on topics more relevant to adult life such as university, long term relationships, child-care and employment) The site is open 24/7, all year round.
So please have a look, I think it could really help you – especially if you can’t talk to anyone in ‘real life’ or have no one to turn to.
Hope you feel better soon.