Can Someone Please Proofread My Essay and Give Me Tips on How to Make It Better?

Question by steve m: can someone please proofread my essay and give me tips on how to make it better?
What is found in Video Games

Have you ever encountered dead bodies lying on the sidewalk in front of your house? That is a gruesome image, but that same picture is found in video games. Eugene F. Provenzo is a professor of education at the University of Miami and the author of Children and Hyper-Reality. (1). Jack Thompson, author of an article about games promoting violence. (1). Dave Grossman, author of On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society and co-author of Stop Teaching Our Kids to Kill: A Call to Action Against TV, Movie, and Video Games Violence,(1). Clearly indicate that children’s involvement of video games takes a drastic twist into their lives. By the age of 12, the average child has been exposed to a massive amount of gang violence, sexism, and drug abuse due to video games; therefore, video games should be censored.
According to Jack Thompson, in the game Grand Theft Auto (GTA), “Lynch’s favorite way to kill in the game was to beat victims with a baseball bat because you get more points for killing at close range”(2). Also, gang violence is exposed in this game Grand Theft Auto (GTA), which involves stealing cars from different individuals, another devastating crime. Thompson goes on to say that Lynch is called “zombified” while he is playing this obsessive game. (2). On September 24, 2003, an incident involving a 15 year old boy, who shot two of his classmates, killing one and critically wounding another. According to his neighbors with whom Jack have spoken to, the 15-year old played Grand Theft Auto Vice City constantly. A recent Gallup Poll found that 71 percent of all teen-age boys have played the Grand Theft Auto (GTA) games, and Gallup found that they are twice as likely to engage in acts of violence as those who have not played that game. The Entertainment Software Association rating board has rated Grand Theft Auto San Andreas on the PlayStation 2 system as Mature or “M”, which has content that is intended for people aged 17 and older, and may contain sexual themes and intense violence or language. As recognize, younger males under the age of 17 are getting a hold of rated “M”, games and are looking for a intensive battle. According to Grossman, he indicates, “Now, 16 million kids supposedly have access to guns.” There was another case involving, “a 14 year old who had never fired a gun before in his life takes a .22 caliber pistol to school and fires eight shots. He got eight hits on eight different children; five of them head shots, the other three upper torso. He had played those video games over and over again and had become a master killer.” Games like (GTA), 007, and Halo have influenced school deadly massacres two examples are the, “Columbine” and “Virginia Tech.”
The idea about sexism in video games is very disturbing which has led young males to grow up being abusive towards their female companion. Video games might often lead a male to face jail time, which is nothing pleasant. In Grand Theft Auto games most females dress with skimpy clothes and are referred as “hoes.” With certain codes in the game (GTA) you either can undress females or receive sexual favors. When we look at (GTA), the man with the flowered shirt goes on a rampage killing spree, and there are scenes of strip clubs that are shown. Teens should not be able to visualize certain material such as pornography. Teens come across with video games that involve with a great deal of killing, fighting, and special abilities, which is all performed by a male. Due to sexism in video games, Grossman indicates that, “Now in these mass murders we have seen, usually the child is out to kill their girlfriend. Very often, the first victim…has been a girlfriend.” It is usually found that in video games such as Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, etc. the male characters have greater power while the female characters prove to be weaker. Sexism is a really delicate subject that is worth the time to speak about, for example, whether it is princess or an innocent female by standard. The violence is often brutal and degrading to women. In the game “Duke Nukem,” for instance, a player can enter a room with naked women saying “Kill me,” while tied to posts. In the Grand Theft Auto (GTA) series, one of the most popular and also most violent and controversial of the games, a player is rewarded if he has sex with a prostitute.
“Parents perceive age ratings as a guide but not as a definite prohibition,” said Freund. “Some may have not liked the content but they did not prohibit the game.” “Most parents think their child is mature enough so that these games will not influence them,” said Jurgen Freund, chief executive with the Swiss research firm Modulum. According to Freund, “While the debate is likely to continue on a large scale in years to come (California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently signed into law Assembly Bill 1179, which prohibits selling or renting violent video games to Californians under 18), one thing’s for sure is that kids will continue to be drawn to these types of games, if for no other reason than because they’re not supposed to have them. “We called it Magic 18,” said Freund. “The 18+ label was seen as promoting the content, promising adult content rather than saying ‘my parents will stop me playing this.” These games are almost like an over the counter drug, whether it is cough medicine or Tylenol.

Best answer:

Answer by ruth4526
Interesting, no change needed other than you have with whom Jack have spoken to , I thing it should read with whom Jack had spoken to.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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